


please lead me to the promise land

by Buttercup_ghost



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Sexual Assault, Canonical Child Abuse, Childhood Sexual Abuse, F/F, Fix-It of Sorts, Flower symbolism in chapter 4 bc., Happy Valentine's Day mikan & Sonia I love you, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Rare Pairings, U kno I'm a slut for flower symbolism, Which happens IN CANON. I hate teruteru.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-02-28 20:58:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13279755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercup_ghost/pseuds/Buttercup_ghost
Summary: you're royalty,in your homeland they all call you queen





	1. you're an angel fallen down

All her life she had been clumsy. 

It wasn't her fault. If she didn't trip, or make a scene, no one would pay attention to her, would they? It wasn't like she did it on purpose, but... she didn't rearly try to stop it. She just let herself fall, hoping the eyes that land on her stay, just a bit longer. She was just naturally a clumsy girl, she'd say. Yet all the voices yelled, harsh. It was better than no sound.

She found herself at a door.

Everything felt wrong. Her bones ached with unease.

She knew she needed to go in it, but she didn't know why. She felt like she was forgetting something, _someone_ , but couldn't figure out who. Her hand shook, as she clutched the knob, opening the door. Rattle. Rattle.

She stepped hesitantly into the room, allowing the door to fall from her grasp, slipping out unbidden just like everything else in her life. Her hands went up to clutch her chest, lightly curling over it as if she could shield herself, keep her glass heart from shattering, if it only stayed in her chest.

And then, because she always does, mikan falls.

For the first time, though, strong arms caught her, wrapping around her stomach, lifting her up gently. A girls face greeted her, grey eyes sparkling in worry, eyebrows drawn. Worry, worry for _her_. It was so foreign, mikan had to wonder if she was dreaming.

"Oh dear," the girls voice was like a bell, "are you okay?"

Mikan falls all over again.


	2. wont you tell us of the clouds?

Mikan stays silent, for the most part. People surround her—other ultimates, she presumes—a rabbit speaking about trips and teaching. She's confused, but everyone has always said she was dumb, so she doesn't dwell to much. Her mind keeps wandering to the girl who caught her, eyes shifting to see her from the corner of her vision. She catches her gaze and smiles, and mikan nearly faints right then and there.

The rest is a blur, a haze—they're on a beach, and are supposed to make friends. She's happy about that, she's never really had friends in so long. Maybe if she's lucky, she'll be her friend too--

No. Who who would want to be friends with her? How presumptuous of her. No one wants her, she should know this already. Stupid, stupid mikan.

She's so caught up in her musing she doesn't see the object of her affections walk straight to her, a bright smile on her face.

"Hello! I'm sonia nevermind! I'm terribly sorry about knocking you over, before."

mikan startles, a squeal out of her mouth before she can keep it in.

"S-sorry! A-ah.. I'm m-mikan tsumiki..." 

Sonia beams, despite her awkwardness, sunshine radiating off of her, so bright mikan almost had to look away. 

 

They end up walking together, Sonia's smiling, happy energy rendering mikan helpless. She couldn't help but wonder if such a girl was real—she was so honest, and kind, energetic and yet regal. Balanced.

"I hope they have tea, here." She speaks, chatting casually, filling up the silence without having to try. Mikan speaks up– surely, surely, she wouldn't be mad at her for doing so? She's been so kind..

"Th-there's a kitchen, I th-think.. w-we could.. see if they have any.." she winces, cursing herself. Pathetic.

Sonias eyes brighten, as if a light has gone on, and she claps her hands together, a smile growing on her face.

"That's a wonderful idea!"

"I-it is...?" Mikan asks, before her eyes widen. "S-sorry..! Sorry for talking back...! Please don't hate me.."

Sonia—she must be a angel, she must be a goddess, no way someone so good exist, no way someone so good would want to spend time with her—looks at her in worry, eye brows drawn, before hesitantly brushing the hair that had fallen into her face away.

"Its ok, I didn't mind. I honestly think you're idea was splendid, though. Do you want to go check with me?" Her voice is gentle. Her chest swells.

"h-huh..?"

Suddenly, she beams again, "we could have tea together! It would be a great chance to get to know each other!"

"G-get to know each other..?" Mikan looks at her with wide, wide eyes, not dare believing her ears.

"Yes! It is what friends do with each other, is it not?"

 Friends. Friends. _Friends_.

Mikan felt like she could die right then and there.

"Y-yeah..!" 

Sonia beamed at her smile, grabbing her hand in hers, warm, and lead her away.


	3. you have fallen from the sky

Mikan wanted to hurt people.

Now, mikan prided herself on being a good nurse, if nothing else, and knew for a fact that she could never hurt anyone like that—a nurses job is to heal, never hurt, her oath echoing in her ears—but she found herself wanting too. It wasn't a new feeling.

Mikan had always been despicable. She had known this for as long as she lived. 

She wanted to hurt people.

It was more just a passing thought, or a fleeting image. She knew how to do it. She would fantasize about it, about watching her patients choke on their own blood—maybe she'd make them mute, break all the bones in their bodies until they couldn't move without her. Couldn't live without her.

Until they needed her.

This was different, though. She wanted to hurt this guy, this- this _leech_ – not so that he'd depend on her, but just to watch him suffer. She thought, when she first met her princess, her _goddess_ , that thoughts like these would go away. It was naive of her, looking back. 

Instead she felt more vindictive than ever.

She hopped Sonia never found out about her thoughts. Surely, it was something she wouldn't be proud of. She'd probably hate her, and stop talking to her.

~~or maybe, just maybe, she'd forgive mikan for these terrible thoughts and her pitiful excuse of an existence.~~

"My loins are filled with poison, could you suck it out?"

But, but, but. As soon as he said this, mikan found didn't care, if it was crossing a line. She wanted to giggle. She saw red. 

How dare he? How dare he speak to her that way? How dare he try to trick her, and use her? To take advantage of her innocence, her lack of knowledge on the subject? How dare they do that to her?! How dare they treat her that way when she didn't do anything wrong?! Why wouldn't they _just forgive her already--_

Mikan took a deep breathe.

 

When Sonia left to leave, after being introduced to hajime, mikan called after her, with a surprisingly steady voice, that she'd catch up in a second.

And then, leaning down, a sickly sweet smile on her lips and her breath in his face, she laughed.

"I know more ways to kill you than you know recipies. If you try to trick sonia again, you're a dead man."

and then she walked away.

 

 

Later, when teruteru is accused and executed, she smiles.


	4. how high?

_She loves me.  
_

pluck.

_She loves me not._

riip.

_She loves me._

pluck.

_She loves me not._

tear.

_She loves me._

plu-

"Mikan?" 

"A-ahh!" Mikan startled, dropping the (desecrated) flower in her hand, nearly falling over. Sonia's steady hands caught her, though.

"I am terribly sorry! I do not wish to startle you."

Mikan flushed, fumbling a bit, "I-its fine!"

"If you are sure.. I just came here because I was wondering if you.." she paused, a flush tinting her cheeks ever so slightly, "um.. 'hang out'." She said it as if it was foreign to her.

"Y-yes! S-sure!" 

"Oh goody! I wasn't sure if I was doing this right.." she looked away, "you see, this is my first time having friends."

Surely, surely, that couldn't be true. Sonia was a princess, literal royalty. She was also the nicest person mikan had ever met,  patient and kind. 

"Y-you're.. b-but, you're a princess!" 

A far too bitter look befell Sonia, "Please do not act like I am just a princess. It is true that I am a princess first, and a person second, in my home country, but I'd... much rather just be you classmate, here," sadness, almost, a melancholy look as her eyes glances down, "I much rather be myself."

Mikan stammered, "b-but.." 

Sonia was a princess, it was true. Mikan thought she was much more than a princess, though, when they first met. Surely, that was the look of a goddess, an angel.

But her smile was so sad.

"I.. just want to be viewed as a fellow classmate. It maybe selfish, but at least for now, when I'm here.." she sighed, looking to the side. Her hands absentmindedly picked a flower, twirling its steam.

"I want to be seen as human. I'm not above anyone, I'm not some untouchable princess or goddess, I have feelings and emotions, too. I'm not allowed too, when I'll eventtrually run the country, I'll be looked to, expected to be perfect. But..." another sigh.

"Please don't misunderstand, though! It's not like I dislike my kingdom, or my duties! It's just.."

She plucked the petals off of the flower, slowly, not quite present. Mikan stared, breathe taken away. Guilt began to seep in, and she felt the need to apologize, to big for forgiveness for thinking the very same thoughts that bugged her so much, but—

"Ah! Please forgive me! I did not mean to complain like this, mikan. I guess the stress of the situation has gotten to me more than I thought."

Mikan stutters out a, _i-its ok,_ before going quiet.

 

 

The next time they hang out, two more people are dead. 

"H-hey-"

"I'm-"

They speak over each other on accident, before Sonia tells mikan to go a head. She stutters, "U-um.. I-I'm sorry."

Sonia blinks, eyes widening, before smiling a little.

"Its perfectly fine, mikan. U-um.. in fact, I was going to apologize. I did not mean to dump so much on you."

"I-it's ok.." 

They're quiet for a bit, not quite comfortable, not quite uncomfortable. Just silent, conversation in suspension.

"Hm... say, mikan? Do you wanna go somewhere with me?" 

"H-huh? Oh, um.. S-sure."

 

They end up in the theatre, Friday the thirteenth playing. Sonia is staring intensely at the screen, observing the killers actions with fascination. It was an odd hobby, being into serial killers, but mikan didn't think she had the right to judge. She enjoyed horror movies, too, actually. Maybe not for the same reasons, but she was happy with this. Everyone is running around, in movies like this, and she can't help thinking how useful she'd be in this situation– how many people she could save, how many people she could have power over. 

Before she knew it, she was pointing out medical fallacies, and giggling with Sonia at the fake blood. 

"You're amazing for knowing all this, mikan."

She feels warm for the rest of the day.

 

At breakfast, mikan sneak glances at her. She could have sworn that a few times, she's caught her looking back.

They stay sitting, their left over pancakes growing colder, as everyone eventrually leaves. Hajime lingers, talking to Sonia as she smiles politely, reassuring him she's fine. "I'm just, staying for a bit, catch up with people. You should go on ahead, hajime."  

Soon, they're the only ones left in the room, sunshine streaming through, onto the table. There's a flower, on the table, inside of a small, blue vase, sunlight aluminating it.

They are silent, Sonia's standing form gravitating to mikans sitting one. She fidgets, purple eyes shifting to her.

Sonia is next to her, now, dainty hands lightly ghosting over her shoulders, head tilting down. Mikan shivers, looking up to meet her eyes.

Time pauses, for a moment, maybe the earth even stops spinning, their hearts stuttering, as if their feelings were being flung across the sky, dizzying pandemonium that caused their brain to fuzz. As if they were the most important things in their worlds, as if they were their world. Mikans eyes, beautiful, purple eyes, masking so much, and exposing so much. Eyes, the window to the soul, reflecting so much.

Sonia wants to kiss her.

She startles, blinking and looking away, a flush upon her face. "We should get going," she says, a bit of melancholy in her voice. She doesn't want to pressure mikan, this soft, fragile girl she's come to know.

"R-right."

 

They walk, together, mikans fingers stretching to brush against Sonias, her breath coming out in huffs. _I wonder if I'm actually sick, instead of in love._

Sonias hair swishes, when she turns, bright smile as her head turns to make she shes still there. As if to affirm she wasn't left behind. Mikan wants to put flowers in it, braid them in with a steady hand. She almost never shook, when it counted, despite what one may think, with her personality. She was a nurse, after all, one of best nurses in the world. That's why she was here, after all

"U-um.." she squeaked, not meaning to make the sound outloud, as Sonia's gaze fell on her.  She blushed, falling silent. Sonia tilted her head.

"Did you want to go somewhere, mikan?"

"Ah.. ah..!" No ones ever asked her if she wanted to go somewhere, before. She normally would just get dragged off, most of the times teased or tormented. She didn't really know what people did for fun, normally, because of this. Was putting a apple on her head for her to shoot a normal thing to do? That was what the girls at her old school normally did with her.

"U-um.."

But then again, Sonia was a princess, she said before that she wasn't familar with what friends did herself, either. She was sheltered, in a way, only knowing what "normal" kids are like from tv shows dramas. What did the people in those do? Mikan couldn't be sure, having not been exposed to them, much. She could recall, though, on her old, staticky tv, as her father (could he be called that? She didn't know) pushed cigarette buds into her back.

She always liked it better when the tv was on, then, trying to push the pain out of her mind, and focus on the tear stained faces of overdramatized women.

(She remembers, once, how two girls kissed in a field of flowers, smiling sweetly at each other, laughing. Happy.

Her father spit in disgust, "Flithy.")

"L-lets go see the flowers, around the island."

 

 

Sonia takes her hand, in hers, when they sit. With her other one, she twirls a steam.

"Mikan, I.." she pauses, sounding slightly pained, before a slight shake of her head.

"You're a... really good friend."

Mikan didn't want to hear those words, but at the same time, she did. It was confusing, as if all the air had been stolen from her lungs, as Sonia (sadly? thankfully?) looked down at the flower in her hand. Someone bring her friend was more than she deserves, she knew, but..

"M-mikan?" Without her realizing, she had moved closer, their faces inches apart. Her cheeks flared, as she fell back, landing softly, her fall broken by flowers, crushed underneath her. 

Tears filled her eyes, quick, like always. This time, she made no sound, though, no even moving to get up. They fell, landing on the grassy mud below her.

"I love you..." it was just a whisper, a ghost of a breath, too quiet for sonia to even hear. She slackened.

(A girl in junior high was dared to kiss her, offered sixty bucks if she could stand her touch, without getting what the others called _mikan cooties_. Her lips were so, so soft, until they curled into a snarl as she pulled away. "That was even more disgusting than I thought it would be!"

In elementary school, before she got a clue, and left pitiful mikan alone, they'd build sand castles in the mud together. She smelt like strawberries, and whenever she was near mikans heart would jump.)

 "M-mikan? Are you ok?"

Tears filled her eyes, at the soft, concerned voice. Her hands covered them, the palm of her hand pressing into her eye lids, as if to hold the water in.

"M-mikan!" Sonia cried, when hearing her sobs, rushing over to her side. The grass rubbed on her knees, creating friction burns, but she didn't care. "Mikan, are you hurt?"

She sobbed harder, legs moving to her chest as if she wanted to curl up and disappear.

"I-" she couldn't get her words out, her voice to thick with emotion, hiccups interrupting her every attempt.

Sonia looked down at her in worry, before determination hardened her face, "I'm taking you to my room."

Before mikan could even ask what she meant, she hauled her arms under her, lifting her up. A princess carry—almost ironic.

Mikan blushed, through her tears, before her mouth closed, into a line. Her eyes dropped, still heavy with tears, as she rested her head against her chest. She could hear her heartbeat.

Sonia opened her door, carrying mikan onto her bed, placing her gently. She went to get some gaze, still fearing mikan was injured, then went back to her, crouching down.

Her arm had scratches, from where thorns pricked at her. Her cheek also had a cut, a little red seeping out from it. Sonia patched her arms up in silence, focusing on not hurting her companion.

"Why?" Mikan crooked, her voice cracking and raw. 

"Hm?" Sonia looked up, having just finished with her arms.

"Why.. why are you taking care of me?"

Sonia stood a bit, taking the girls face in her hand, eye browns creasing, "Because I care about you."

She gently ripped the blood off her cheek, eyes gazing on her face. As if she was trying to memorize it.

Her eyes met hers.

They could feel each other's breathes, warm, both leaning in slightly. Their lips where centimeters apart, getting closer each second, their eyes closing gently.

They met in the middle, both leaning in. They kissed– the both of them. Sonia didn't kiss mikan, and mikan didn't kiss Sonia; because not only one of them initiated the kiss, instead both of them on equal footing.

Both of Sonia's hands went to cup mikans face, pulling her closer, closer. Mikans fingers found themselves in her hair, pushing her near her, never wanting to let go.

Soon, though, too soon, they ran out of breath, as if they stole each other's oxygen. They broke apart, their foreheads resting on eachother, both panting. 

"Let's get married."

It was Sonia, her voice still breathless, slipping out of her mouth without it meaning too. But as soon as she said it, she knew it felt right. She wanted to spend her life with this girl, this beautiful, beautiful girl.

"Lets get married."

Her voice was stronger this time, resolute. "I want to marry you."

Mikans eyes widened, her face moving away slightly, tilting up to met Sonia's eyes. They were beautiful, something shinning in them. Mikan wanted to ask if she was sure, if she'd really want to marry someone like her, but—

her eyes said it all.

It wasn't a prank, or a joke. She was serious, she really wanted to marry her. Mikan cours hardly believe it, years coming to her eyes once more, but before Sonia could get worry, she laughed, breathless.

"Y-yes! Yes," she leaned in again, their noses touching. Her tears fell down onto Sonia's cheek, a smile bigger than any she's ever had on her face, "I love you, Sonia."

Sonias and her lips met again, tender, before her words slipped out in reply, "I love you, mikan."

 

_She loves me._

_She loves me._

_She loves me._

_She loves._

_Loves._

_Love._

 

It was a great feeling, to be loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, mikans love of horror is indeed canon: http://danganronpaislandmode.tumblr.com/post/131701739617/lets-watch-some-horror-movies-horror-is
> 
> This with Sonia's love for serial killers & comment about liking Friday the 13th makes horror movies the best date idea for them. I love them so much,, and!! If you've seen mikans dangan island ending youll know that you actually have to propose to her?? And in Sonia's free time events, she just.. engages herself to hajime figsgs,, they perfect for each other


	5. how high?

Junko enoshima.

The name has been ringing in her head for a while, now.

_Junko enoshima._

Mikan tsumiki loved Sonia nevermind. She loved her with all her heart, her soul. And yet, she couldn't stop that name from ringing in her head. She didn't know, she didn't understand, what it meant. She kept quiet about it, though, far to busy focusing on the patients. They're much more important than her, anyways.

_Junko enoshima._

Her head pulsated, hand going up to hold it, unsteady on her feet. Who was it? Who was it? She's important, she can feel it. She didn't know.

She felt as if she was important to her, though.

Sonia, poor, beautiful Sonia was in the other room. All while mikan was stumbling about, head in her hands, trying to push away all consuming feelings coming from a name she can almost see a face to. Mikan hated it, hated the utter, soul crushing devotion in her heart. She didn't want it. She felt like she was on the brink, about to colaspe and fall into a abyss she could never come out of. Like she was walking on a tight rope, trying to balance between here and now, and the past she's forgotten.

She couldn't breathe.

It wasn't real, she told herself. Whatever half remembered flashes, pictures without noise, popped into her head, they were just fiction. Mikan wours never, could never.

_Mikan had always had violent thoughts–_

No, _no_. Push that thought down.

Stop thinking, stop thinking about girls in pigtails and hands around necks, read nails digging into flesh and the life fading from the eyes of many. It never happened. It never happened. She wouldn't do that.

_She wanted to do that–_

_no. no. no._

She refused. She refused to believe it, she couldn't—

_(I want to do it again.)_

She startled. Where did that thought come from? She didn't, she didn't. Maybe she had thoughts about harming people sometimes, but surely, surely she would never, right? She didn't really want to hurt anyone, right?

_"You threatened teruteru."_

Her voice was like honey, feelings swelling up in mikans chest—no, no. No. No. It was just an illusion. Junko was dead–

Dear? Dead? No, no. Surely she didn't exist in the first place.

_"You threatened teruteru, mikan."_

_(I had a reason to. I had a reason to. I had a reason to.)_

_"Do you really think that makes it any better?"_

Mikan began making her way across hall, the walls supporting her wobbling form. Sonia, Sonia. She was right in the other room, she can help.

She can help. She can help. She can help.

_"You smiled when he died."_

Mikan stumbled into the room, staggering to the bed, before colasping. She was tired, tired. She covered her ears, trying to block out the voices. Her voice.

If Sonia was anyone else, she wouldn't have stirred from her much needed slumber. If Sonia was anyone else, she'd stay asleep, and oblivious. Mikan, too, would soon fall asleep, curling next to her in her sleep. In her dreams, she'd see it clearly, a goddess with blonde hair and pigtails whispering in her ears, cruelly kind. And when she awoken, she would have made up her mind, gathering rope to hang her former friend with, bringing the tragic case of twilight syndrome to its complete end, all the girls dying.

But Sonia is Sonia. She's a princess, a light sleeper, and most importantly, Mikans fiance.

And so she awoke.

 

"Mikan? What's wrong?"

Mikan sobbed. She sobbed into her shoulders, laugher bubbling up from her chest, hysterical.

"Hey, hey, hey? You forgive me, right? You forgive me, right?"

She looked up, snot and tears running down, a smile too wide on her face. Sonia frowned, wiping her face.

"Forgive what?"

"My existence."

Mikan laughed, and laughed, as if it was the funniest joke she ever heard, tears increasing by the moment. Sonia's eyes widened, before giving a reassuring smile.

"There's no need for me to forgive that. You existing? That's not something that needs to be forgiven. That's not something bad."

Mikans smile broke, her sobbing increasing as she buried her head into Sonia's chest. Thump. Thump. Thump.

She could hear her heartbeat, still.

Sonia stroke her hair, and her sobbing started to decrease, as she focused on the sensation. The comforting thump of her heart was like a lullaby, calming her own heart.

"Hey, Sonia?" Her voice was soft, tired.

"Hm?"

"I feel like I did something horrible."

"Hm.." Sonia hummed, trying to think of how to phrase her response, "I don't know if it should be in my right, but I'd forgive you if you did."

Tears pricked the corners of mikans eyes, all over again.

"It was really bad."

"Well.. hm, you know. Nothing can change what's happened, ano maybe the world won't forgive you," mikan stiffened, "but I'd stay by you, anyways. And I think.. you can try to repent. Maybe not redemption, persay, because that implies you can make up for whatever you did, but.. you can repent."

"Do you really think so?" Mikans voice was small, fragile. It was smaller than any other tone she'd ever heard the nurse use, even when she would be put down and bullied, before.

"Yes, I do. I don't know what the future holds, but I'll be here with you through it all. We're going to get married, when we get off of this island, after all."

"Hm.." it was mikans turn to hum, a smile coming to her face. She can think about what she remembered and deal with it tomorrow, with Sonia's help. She'd stay with her.

"But.. mikan, what is this about?" Sonia asked, halfway thinking the impossible. There's no way mikan killed someone, right?

"Our memories.. our lost school memories."

"I see," mikans eyes were dropping, exashion from her meltdown catching up to her, "in that case, we can talk about it in the morning." Leaning down, Sonia kissed her forehead.

She didn't know what mikan would tell her in the morning, but they'd face it together. They'd look towards the future, together.

Mikan falls asleep in her arms.

By dawn there was no new bodies.


End file.
